Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Expectation

I've been a little quiet here, I know, and that's because I've been thinking a lot. A lot of that thinking has been about expectations. There was a time in my 20's when I expected quite a many things to happen just as I wanted them to, and, as these things go, nothing went as planned.

I was married before - a real marriage, not an "oops" marriage, with real love and as much faith and belief and hard work as anyone could ever put into a thing, and I expected it would last forever. It didn't. So I gave up on expecting.

My husband Paul was married before, too. I'll tell you that story another day, but suffice it to say, it had a sad ending. And so Paul picked himself up, looked around, and started living life, with no presumptions, no predictions.

And there we were, Paul and I, both taking each step and each turn as it came, happy to go wherever the path would lead us. That path, unexpectedly, led us to each other.

And suddenly, I had glorious expectations again. Nothing specific. Nothing grand. Just a comfort washing over me as I discovered I could expect a good life, even if I couldn't tell you what it would look like. I knew I could look forward to a life of adventures, challenges, partnership, changes, a lot of love, a lot of laughter, and many, many ferocious games of Scrabble. Paul made me able to expect a good life, to let down my guard, stop protecting myself from disappointment. Looking back, I realize a big part of me had given up, had lost the blissful ability to assume my life would be beautiful. Expectations are based on belief, and faith. So when I found Paul, and Paul found me, we were allowed to believe again. To expect.

So that's basically it. That's why I've been a little quiet here lately. Because Paul and I are expecting.



21 comments:

  1. Beautiful, touching post! And ...Congratulations!

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  2. Your baby looks perfect. We are so happy for you all!! xoxoxo Lisa, Tom, & the girls

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  3. I got misty eyed reading this, too. How fortunate you are to have your gift of words, your husband, and now your baby. And, the best part is that you deserve it. Wishing you all the best.

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  4. Lovely post, I just found you via gluten free girl's twitter. You have a lovely turn of phrase, and I'm so happy for you. Congratulations!

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  5. Yay for love! For great expectations...for that first heartbeat that takes your breath away!

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  6. Congratulations! It's a whole new roller coaster now. Hopefully you like coasters!

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  7. How sweet. I am so glad you are back, and so glad you and Paul are expecting!

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  8. Congratulations, Sara! Wishing you the best.

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  9. congrats! such a lovely post.

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  10. This is wonderful news. Your words are lovely, touching and elegant. Thanks for sharing this happy update with us. Cheers to you and yours!

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  11. How lovely! Congratulations to you both.

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  12. lovely - I can relate ;-) Congratulations - glad to hear you are enjoying food again!

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  13. Great expectations indeed. I will also remark that that may be the clearest ultrasound photo I have ever seen.

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  14. Thank you, friends. My cup runneth over. (And so do my bra cups. Seriously, they don't joke when they warn you your boobs will get bigger. It's almost obscene.)

    This ultrasound is back from week 9 (I'm in week 13 now), and I'll never forget Paul squeezing the heck out of my hand when we heard the little heartbeat... Life.

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  15. I like your post. Very touching story. Your baby looks healthy and fine. Congratulations and good luck!

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  16. CONGRATULATIONS!!!! Have a very healthy pregnancy- won't it be fun to bring the baby to Solvang- to see the minature horses! The beach- won't it be fun to take your baby to the beach!!! I KNEW there was a reason you were offline...I knew it!

    Congratulations to your family!!!!

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  17. I love all your stories, especially those with a happy ending. Love and congratulations to you all - Sara, Paul, and the tiny, soon-to-be very-well-fed peanut.

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  18. this is my first story to have read on your blog. I'll now be a fan forever. happy wishes for you, Paul, and the little lemon.

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  19. Oh, Sara. This is so gorgeous, so moving. I was truly blinking away tears at the end. I knew about your wonderful news already, but the story you wove cast a spell. I can relate to much of it, and I am so happy for you.

    xox

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  20. Congratulations! What a beautiful story . . . and thank you for inspiring us to believe too.

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